Happy Mother's Day everyone.
I have been longing to write but as I mentioned in my last post, I am a new mom handsful with a little lovely daughter. But I wanted to make sure I post one for the Mother's Day at least, because this is my 1st Mother's Day after becoming one and writing is my favourite activity. If you ask me, so whats so special about Mother's day when you are being a mother everyday, its special because you get an opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate motherhood which otherwise becomes a routine. So mommies and others, dont forget to celebrate this day.
This post of mine is to the mothers out there who have totally intentionally and unintentionally ignored their own selves in raising their children.
Just rewinding few months in my life, the moment I saw a positive on the strip, it was a feeling that felt so strange, like butterflies in stomach. Imagining how it would be to have a life inside gave me goosebumps. I enjoyed the attention I got, the wishes that poured in, the care and pampering that came from everyone was addictive. Little did I predict that I am about to experience the drastic changes that my body will undergo in the coming months. Yes it kept changing, blessed are those ladies who glowed like florescent bulbs during their pregnancies but I was not the one in that group...I was someone who saw immense pigmentation on my skin which worried me initially as I was expecting it be some internal problem, but my obgyn assured that its part of the pregnancy. That was just the beginning. I kept on changing, the face that bloated asymmetrically by the end of pregnancy and that continued be so till now was a thing that I hated, to click a picture of mine was a favourite thing but after this, that was the last thing I want to do.
Okay face apart, the body that grew big, the changing texture of my hair and skin was a cause of worry except for the big tummy which held a beautiful life inside. I loved my tummy of course. The popping acne on my skin was an extra bonus. And the weight that I put on in all the 9 months including the fluids that my body retained was no less than a size of baby elephant.
I was always in the misconception that once I deliver I am going to get back to my previous body in no time like some of the celebrity ladies we get to see. Have I predicted it right, not really, it indeed got worse. The reason why I thought I wouldnt have the sign of hardship I will face in the OT was a lady whom I saw a week before my due date. She was brought out from the OT and she looked as though she just had a nice spa time...I was in the misconception that things would be so simple in the OT. Quite contrary to what I saw, I came out like a burnt charcoal with a beautiful little one beside me. It was my mom who shed tears looking at me in pain....I thought she was off her senses, how would I know her feelings, after all I was a very new mom, I certainly did not understand my mom's pain.
Later what troubled me the most than my physical changes was the pain in my stomach after the surgery, just as many of my other assumptions, I was always in an assumption that aftermath is not as hard as one would imagine....until I had a twisting pain in my intestines for the next three days, and my obgyn on her daily visits confirmed that its quite natural and there is nothing relieve it but to suffer it.
The very step out of the bed was really like giant leap for the rest of my life. I never imagined it would be tummy tearing pain to get out of the bed. Every step seemed almost impossible and even to hold my baby in my arms was felt like holding a ton's weight. While messages and wishes came in pouring and everyone celebrated the baby arrival, my physical pain did obstruct me from feeling my baby. I really couldnt enjoy like the way they show in movies, write in stories etc.,
As days passed, the pain eased off, the soreness subsided but my body seemed like a fully grown hippo although I lost a whopping 12 kilos in just a week. Its not the weight but its the asymmetry of my body, the complexion that turned ugly, the skin and hair texture that totally lacked lustre. All these things did not immediately bother me until the day I wanted to look good...I apparently failed in looking good if not beautiful, it did not hit me even then.
I was the one who thought Aishwarya Rai's cool attitute about not rushing to loose the pregnancy weight was an inspiration and I did mention the same in one of my posts earlier. So it was not hard in the beginning. But as days passed and I got busy not really looking at myself but only my baby and home and on one fine day when I felt like taking a selfie and tried not one but tens and every one of them turned out duds and sometimes ugly, I started cursing myself, hating myself and in couple of days again, I totally forgot as I got busy again with the baby.
But it was my birthday shopping that blew me away and had a drastic impact on my self confidence...every dress I tried was like beautiful until I wore and as soon as I put it on myself, it turned out so awkward. I couldnt help but pick something that I thought was totally uncool for me to wear coz thats the only one attire that fit me properly.
Although it hurt me badly, I remembered a post in one of the mommy forums which was all about my feelings about the body that changed totally and how it hurts to look at it over and over. If I say its okay to be odd coz am a mother, am seriously bluffing myself. Its not okay be odd, being a mother is not the end of my life. My little one should be happy to have a mom who feels beautiful inside and outside. There is absolutely no wrong in aspiring to be beautiful and get back in shape unlike many new mommies who think its insane to crave for beautiful body and image.
They say mind body and spirit should be beautiful and healthy to lead a happy life. Being beautiful doesnt mean to become a bikini model or get ramp ready but at least to be beautiful at extent of not hating yourself and think its all over. So ladies who all relate to what I have mentioned, do take charge and start getting back to shape or make sure you look happy and well groomed. The 1st step that you can do is to be groomed and tidy. A well groomed mom appears happy and reassures that things are okay. Trust me even your little one will love watching you so. And of course, your husband who really stopped looking at you will definitely get back.
I know I may have appeared like someone who is obsessed with beauty, fit body etc but how many of you realised that going for the healthy diet and workouts are most important after delivery....I myself started experiencing hormonal troubles for which the solution was to be less stressed, eat healthier diets, and work out. Its not only a mental state of mind that hurts but also the physical body which needs the much awaited workout after long months of pampering. If you are happy and satisfied in your skin, forget what I said ;)
I hope some of you can relate to me, if so do share your wonderful experience. I would love to read them.
Be a happy mom and do celebrate the big day :)