There are too many illusions around us that lure in a way that we begin to believe thats real. I have been through such since a long while. I created a perplexity around me. The mist of myth is slowly fading to reveal the reality. I read this beautiful line "monotony & solitude stimulates a creative mind" Many a times, either the monotony or the solitude keeps missing, and then we never realize that we have a creative mind and it can create wonders.
Off late, I have made peace with my situation and I am more still and calm than ever before. It takes a lot to accept and come to terms with something that you have never contemplated. Though I never personally endorsed the stereotyped choices, at a certain point I started getting succumbed to such. The moment I cleared my mind of what I really am, I understand I am crossing over my own path. All I am talking about is an inner battle a new mom goes through. The stereotyped thinking I meant is either you choose to leave your little one with a daycare/parental care or you pause or give up your work to look after the baby.
For many, including me pausing work is a big reason to start feeling low and give up dreaming about making it big that once you are. Your world starts to slowly cringe down to few others like you and you drift away in a world thats too far from what have created once. This happened to me and many others I know. Thats when we feel lost, depressed and sometimes not at ease. I honestly was not at ease though it was absolutely my choice to stay at home. For many moons, I stayed in a bewildered sphere. I kept consoling me as if I was sacrificing. This kept going until I got saturated and stressed. And then this crazy yet meaningful life changing thought came to my mind....I wondered what is that I am really missing, why I am unable to completely enjoy what I chose with my heart, why is the happy decision seeming more difficult to be pulled off??? In calm moments, I realized what makes me happy.
I identify myself as a person who dwells where happiness is, no matter if it requires me to give up something and even if that something sounds too enticing, and my decision seems too adventurous and difficult. And I stood by those decisions, because they made me happy, they left me with beautiful memories. Had I chose to live otherwise with those somethings, perhaps I wouldnt have made great memories neither I would have felt so happy. And that was realization. There are many out there who have been boggling in this sphere, but just break away from the mundane and give it one clear thought, I am sure you will find your answers. I may sound like one old psychiatrist but thats very true. I kept reading every other piece of write ups by SAHM(stay at home mums) & Working mums, but I honestly never found my answers. I dont know why. I am venting out my experience now with a hope to trigger those unanswered, lost questions that you have been dealing with. If so, I shall be happy and proud of myself because I know what sort of battle it is that you have been fighting without a clue.
Now, the reality is when you really have an inner urge to make it big no matter what, there is no need to feel low. Feeling low is a mythical illusion that one has carved out of expectations and stereotypes. Accept that this is just a pause, a much needed one indeed, to have no regrets that you missed your baby's very young age. This acceptance allows you to think and imagine better things other than cribbing about missing working lifestyle like your contemporaries do. Its great if you can balance both work and baby, its great even if you chose to give up work but its not great if give up the baby.
A mother's duty is to nurture the child with love and affection, if you choose to seek something else over this, you better dont give birth. Just because you are a social being, you need not stick to the rules of the society when you dont really believe in it, it could be marriage or motherhood. I loved what Sania Mirza said to the interviewer about being judged for not being a mother to be called an actual achiever while she conquers the top seat in her game. How insanely minuscule narrow mindset we live with? This kind of social pressure is often leading many of our women to take motherhood as a compulsive choice rather than willful choice. Let not the social pressure clinch you in any which way. You will either ways be judged, questioned, grilled and baked, so choose what makes you happy and dont stop dreaming big because you chose to step down from the race for a while, not forever.
These are my learnings over the past year..nurturing a child is no less than a job, enjoying your time off is not a sin, dreaming big is a must, make the most of it while it lasts.
#newmom #stayathomemom #makepeace
#newmom #stayathomemom #makepeace